I'm afraid I've been raised in a Stephen Hawking family where logic says there isn't anything after death. You shut down and that's all folks, as a kid it never bothered me...death wasn't an understandable topic, so who cares right? Now I'm at the age where I do understand...I've lost countless friends, around my age or younger, to cancer.
And I miss them so much...knowing them has opened up my mind and shown me how lucky I really am, one of them faced death so beautifully...she was 100% certain there was something after physical death, I'm not one of those jerks who tries to tear people down. I accept all beliefs, but... I'd secretly hoped if she was right, that they'd send me signs to show they're around...something for me to grasp onto, because now I'm scared. I don't want to become nothing, I don't want to accept I'll become nothing. But the logic side I've been raised with nulls out any hope I'm able to muster; I realise time only applies to humans, we're the only species to understand it's concepts and that's only because we wanted a way to keep track and measure...so in a sense, time doesn't exist but how is it possible for a living organism with only 100 or so years on this planet to contain a spiritual body that is eternal?
I try watching Medium shows, but I recall quite vividly being told; "Mediums are scam artists of the worst kind. They're not only scamming others, they're also scamming themselves. They're so scared of death they've tricked their mind into believing they really can contact the dead, so when these poor emotionally unstable people come in, they will grasp onto the smallest piece of information even if it's miles from the truth of their loved one, and it's all lies."
I've also had it drilled into me that Souls/spirits do not exist, there's nothing inside a person aside brains and organs. The brain controls everything, dead = gone...one uncle believes consciousness is just a myth used to fuel religion, since to him religion = brainwashing power over people. Tell them they're God's real "Science has said God is real!" and you can control them to your whims..."life is meaningless, there is no God and you're dead a long time so live your life cause you only get one." is one of his favourite quotes.
So I can't take it seriously...now I say "family" not all of my family feel this way thankfully, my mums side is a LOT more open minded, my Nan lost her husband, my Grandfather, when I was very small, my nan has always "spoken" to him, even now in the throws of dementia she still natters away to him, and my mum while accepting the logic, has told me she has heard his voice in her head a few times, mostly when she's scared or doesn't know what to do, so while realising it could just be longing for her dad, she says it does give her hope for more.
I just don't know what to believe in anymore, everything around me; Science, Religion, Spirituality...it all feels like brainwashing. There are moments where I just want to break down crying.
I don't want to never see my family again, of all my animals my dog is my absolute world...he can't fill my head with his ideals, just unconditional love; and I want to be with him always, it's not fair how we have these amazing animals, but they only get so long...and my mum, she's my world. We get on like chalk and cheese and I can't imagine a time without her without breaking down in tears, I can't imagine a time without any of my family...sure I don't exactly like their views, but they're my family. I'd be nothing without them.
My Step-dad, his father "died" before passing away a few days later and apparently had an NDE...of course, that was dismissed as the drugs since another member of my family has a friend who was 'dead' for 20 minutes after a motorbike accident and described it as; "the light just went off. I wasn't there, no bright light, people waiting for me, nothing. The only reason I know it happened was because I woke up."
I also have a friend who stopped breathing as a child and remember absolutely nothing...but I don't know all the details about that and since they were so young, they're not 100% sure of it all either and never really wanted to ask about the happenings with their parents...
So I just don't know anymore, I was hoping I'd be able to find someone to talk to on here...this isn't my first post; I posted about NDE's wondering why some people have them and others don't, but didn't really get much to go on with it. Grateful to those who replied, but I was hoping for a more in depth answer...
Sorry if this is in the wrong place, it's to do with a fear of death...but I'm not sure if it belongs here or in lost souls.
Thank you x
And I miss them so much...knowing them has opened up my mind and shown me how lucky I really am, one of them faced death so beautifully...she was 100% certain there was something after physical death, I'm not one of those jerks who tries to tear people down. I accept all beliefs, but... I'd secretly hoped if she was right, that they'd send me signs to show they're around...something for me to grasp onto, because now I'm scared. I don't want to become nothing, I don't want to accept I'll become nothing. But the logic side I've been raised with nulls out any hope I'm able to muster; I realise time only applies to humans, we're the only species to understand it's concepts and that's only because we wanted a way to keep track and measure...so in a sense, time doesn't exist but how is it possible for a living organism with only 100 or so years on this planet to contain a spiritual body that is eternal?
I try watching Medium shows, but I recall quite vividly being told; "Mediums are scam artists of the worst kind. They're not only scamming others, they're also scamming themselves. They're so scared of death they've tricked their mind into believing they really can contact the dead, so when these poor emotionally unstable people come in, they will grasp onto the smallest piece of information even if it's miles from the truth of their loved one, and it's all lies."
I've also had it drilled into me that Souls/spirits do not exist, there's nothing inside a person aside brains and organs. The brain controls everything, dead = gone...one uncle believes consciousness is just a myth used to fuel religion, since to him religion = brainwashing power over people. Tell them they're God's real "Science has said God is real!" and you can control them to your whims..."life is meaningless, there is no God and you're dead a long time so live your life cause you only get one." is one of his favourite quotes.
So I can't take it seriously...now I say "family" not all of my family feel this way thankfully, my mums side is a LOT more open minded, my Nan lost her husband, my Grandfather, when I was very small, my nan has always "spoken" to him, even now in the throws of dementia she still natters away to him, and my mum while accepting the logic, has told me she has heard his voice in her head a few times, mostly when she's scared or doesn't know what to do, so while realising it could just be longing for her dad, she says it does give her hope for more.
I just don't know what to believe in anymore, everything around me; Science, Religion, Spirituality...it all feels like brainwashing. There are moments where I just want to break down crying.
I don't want to never see my family again, of all my animals my dog is my absolute world...he can't fill my head with his ideals, just unconditional love; and I want to be with him always, it's not fair how we have these amazing animals, but they only get so long...and my mum, she's my world. We get on like chalk and cheese and I can't imagine a time without her without breaking down in tears, I can't imagine a time without any of my family...sure I don't exactly like their views, but they're my family. I'd be nothing without them.
My Step-dad, his father "died" before passing away a few days later and apparently had an NDE...of course, that was dismissed as the drugs since another member of my family has a friend who was 'dead' for 20 minutes after a motorbike accident and described it as; "the light just went off. I wasn't there, no bright light, people waiting for me, nothing. The only reason I know it happened was because I woke up."
I also have a friend who stopped breathing as a child and remember absolutely nothing...but I don't know all the details about that and since they were so young, they're not 100% sure of it all either and never really wanted to ask about the happenings with their parents...
So I just don't know anymore, I was hoping I'd be able to find someone to talk to on here...this isn't my first post; I posted about NDE's wondering why some people have them and others don't, but didn't really get much to go on with it. Grateful to those who replied, but I was hoping for a more in depth answer...
Sorry if this is in the wrong place, it's to do with a fear of death...but I'm not sure if it belongs here or in lost souls.
Thank you x
