I've had an experience that is helping me to grow. At the time I thought it was a twin flame experience.
I had gotten to a point in my life where I was allowing myself to freely dream about my own life. Mostly it was visions I had about what I would love to be a part of artistically, the things I would love to create and share. Due to my upbringing I had spent my life more interested in healing and growth than in dating, and had dated only a few people over the years, spending most of my time on personal growth, wanting more health than the legacy left by my family, and I was ready to leap forward into new aspects of my life.
Then I thought "what if I opened up to a mature and healthy relationship, one of unconditional and unadulterated love?" I hadn't really been enticed by relationships in this lifetime, because there were so many unsuitable and hurtful elements in mainstream dating, but "what if I let myself be open to one that was truly healthy and loving?"
I remember waking up from a dream 3 nights in a row and hearing the words "If you want anything to happen in your life you can't just give, you have to receive." In the same few days I learned about twin flames for the first time. I thought "Yes, that sounds most like what I seek." So admittedly that is what was in my head when I met someone special.
I remember he got my attention because I was wondering if he could read my mind. The things he said were uncannily connected to my thoughts. I remember consulting my soul to see how I truly felt about him. Then I remember one night hearing a voice tell me to become completely open to receive love from him.
I decided to become open. Suddenly, I felt the most love I'd ever felt before. It was like everything was pure light. I felt like I could feel his breath and his heartbeat layered with my own body, and the only thought I could think was filled with the purest and truest and most complete love. I was in a vision and it was an outpouring of light. For 24 hours straight all I could think was "i love you." Nothing else but love in our connection reached me. I felt like I was in a trance. Waves of energy poured through me.
It was a long distance connection but he and I talked about it and both of us thought it was a twin flame experience. Yet neither of us really knew what that meant. We just didn't know how else to understand it.
Within a week reality struck. We had an intensely sexual connection, unexpectedly. It was like energy was flowing through all of the chakras and it was stimulating in unexpected ways. It was like sex was the energy of pure love flowing through the chakras, and there was the deepest intimacy in which I was accepting him within my being, although our connection was long distance. I'd never felt such total acceptance for a person such intimacy and connection in my being. It was as if I'd let him inside of me to be close with me in me. It was as if we'd merged, and I remember googling "do twin flames merge?"
Yet it brought about the our first problems. I felt so much energy surging through me it felt like we were sexually connecting even while he was at work. He said he'd gone into a trance and it had turned sexual. It was actually so intimate, and awkward, and presented problems, we had trouble talking about it.
I was also beginning to realize that I was connecting with him in two different ways. One that felt like pure light, the other was the flawed and awkward way we were trying to communicate with each other online, long distance. Although on the spiritual level, he felt like home to me, on the earthly level we were having trouble communicating, and there were things I didn't like.
Our connection went very rapidly from talking excitedly about love to a myriad of problems in our communication. All the time I felt deeply connected on the spiritual level, things went from bad to worse on the earthly level. I was writing to him out of fear a lot. I didn't know how psychic he was because we were having trouble talking about it. He seemed highly psychic and so I kept telling him things to ground him in reality, worried he'd get hurt or confused. He also seemed to want to leap in and sacrifice his will to this connection and I kept writing to him about boundaries. I was trying to control things and make things happen and change things with my writing.
Within 3 months he was only writing to me to say "I love you" once a week, and by 10 months he was thinking about getting back together with his ex fiance. This whole time there was still so much connection on the spiritual level I didn't know how to maintain my equilibrium when he finally told me he had gotten back together with his ex. I honestly did not know what was going on with myself. I was experiencing the deepest heartbreak, and I kept telling him exactly what was on my mind and heart until one day he asked me to stop writing to him.
Although I didn't know what was going on at the time, it was the week he got back together with his ex that I experienced my first bout of insomnia which devolved into delusions and voices in my head. I've now had 5 hospitalizations for this condition and I'm learning a new way of life. When I first met this man I was split between the mature/healthy me, and the things I still had trouble with, such as pain and problems from my inner child. After going through a long period of dark night I started working on this other side, my shadow side, and letting these parts of me integrate.
I come here not as a perfect being, but as someone seeking to heal and grow. Yet I know now how much energy and love is in the universe. I seek to align with that again. My soul longs to connect with energy and love again. My strengths lay in giving selflessly and in forming an independence and self love. My weaknesses have been in connecting with others and receiving from others. But I see that there is much that I can receive from others that is compatible with this community---ways people share with others in order to create topics of discussion. I'm open to the things that others are looking to share, such as stories about their lives, interesting spiritual knowledge (someone commented about Heyoka in another thread, and I found myself interested in hearing more about it). There's much we can share with each other that I look forward to.
I am also willing to talk more about this experience as I've only summarized it and there's so much more to it.
(EDITED: for clarity)
I had gotten to a point in my life where I was allowing myself to freely dream about my own life. Mostly it was visions I had about what I would love to be a part of artistically, the things I would love to create and share. Due to my upbringing I had spent my life more interested in healing and growth than in dating, and had dated only a few people over the years, spending most of my time on personal growth, wanting more health than the legacy left by my family, and I was ready to leap forward into new aspects of my life.
Then I thought "what if I opened up to a mature and healthy relationship, one of unconditional and unadulterated love?" I hadn't really been enticed by relationships in this lifetime, because there were so many unsuitable and hurtful elements in mainstream dating, but "what if I let myself be open to one that was truly healthy and loving?"
I remember waking up from a dream 3 nights in a row and hearing the words "If you want anything to happen in your life you can't just give, you have to receive." In the same few days I learned about twin flames for the first time. I thought "Yes, that sounds most like what I seek." So admittedly that is what was in my head when I met someone special.
I remember he got my attention because I was wondering if he could read my mind. The things he said were uncannily connected to my thoughts. I remember consulting my soul to see how I truly felt about him. Then I remember one night hearing a voice tell me to become completely open to receive love from him.
I decided to become open. Suddenly, I felt the most love I'd ever felt before. It was like everything was pure light. I felt like I could feel his breath and his heartbeat layered with my own body, and the only thought I could think was filled with the purest and truest and most complete love. I was in a vision and it was an outpouring of light. For 24 hours straight all I could think was "i love you." Nothing else but love in our connection reached me. I felt like I was in a trance. Waves of energy poured through me.
It was a long distance connection but he and I talked about it and both of us thought it was a twin flame experience. Yet neither of us really knew what that meant. We just didn't know how else to understand it.
Within a week reality struck. We had an intensely sexual connection, unexpectedly. It was like energy was flowing through all of the chakras and it was stimulating in unexpected ways. It was like sex was the energy of pure love flowing through the chakras, and there was the deepest intimacy in which I was accepting him within my being, although our connection was long distance. I'd never felt such total acceptance for a person such intimacy and connection in my being. It was as if I'd let him inside of me to be close with me in me. It was as if we'd merged, and I remember googling "do twin flames merge?"
Yet it brought about the our first problems. I felt so much energy surging through me it felt like we were sexually connecting even while he was at work. He said he'd gone into a trance and it had turned sexual. It was actually so intimate, and awkward, and presented problems, we had trouble talking about it.
I was also beginning to realize that I was connecting with him in two different ways. One that felt like pure light, the other was the flawed and awkward way we were trying to communicate with each other online, long distance. Although on the spiritual level, he felt like home to me, on the earthly level we were having trouble communicating, and there were things I didn't like.
Our connection went very rapidly from talking excitedly about love to a myriad of problems in our communication. All the time I felt deeply connected on the spiritual level, things went from bad to worse on the earthly level. I was writing to him out of fear a lot. I didn't know how psychic he was because we were having trouble talking about it. He seemed highly psychic and so I kept telling him things to ground him in reality, worried he'd get hurt or confused. He also seemed to want to leap in and sacrifice his will to this connection and I kept writing to him about boundaries. I was trying to control things and make things happen and change things with my writing.
Within 3 months he was only writing to me to say "I love you" once a week, and by 10 months he was thinking about getting back together with his ex fiance. This whole time there was still so much connection on the spiritual level I didn't know how to maintain my equilibrium when he finally told me he had gotten back together with his ex. I honestly did not know what was going on with myself. I was experiencing the deepest heartbreak, and I kept telling him exactly what was on my mind and heart until one day he asked me to stop writing to him.
Although I didn't know what was going on at the time, it was the week he got back together with his ex that I experienced my first bout of insomnia which devolved into delusions and voices in my head. I've now had 5 hospitalizations for this condition and I'm learning a new way of life. When I first met this man I was split between the mature/healthy me, and the things I still had trouble with, such as pain and problems from my inner child. After going through a long period of dark night I started working on this other side, my shadow side, and letting these parts of me integrate.
I come here not as a perfect being, but as someone seeking to heal and grow. Yet I know now how much energy and love is in the universe. I seek to align with that again. My soul longs to connect with energy and love again. My strengths lay in giving selflessly and in forming an independence and self love. My weaknesses have been in connecting with others and receiving from others. But I see that there is much that I can receive from others that is compatible with this community---ways people share with others in order to create topics of discussion. I'm open to the things that others are looking to share, such as stories about their lives, interesting spiritual knowledge (someone commented about Heyoka in another thread, and I found myself interested in hearing more about it). There's much we can share with each other that I look forward to.
I am also willing to talk more about this experience as I've only summarized it and there's so much more to it.
(EDITED: for clarity)
