confused by a runner soulmate

Hi there everyone :) was wondering if any of you have any advice, any insight or whatever into my situation at all??

Many years ago when i was 19 & a half I met a man who instantly made me feel at ease, a man who i felt the most comfortable with that i have ever been with anyone in my life (I am normally the most shy & quiet & reserved creature & so afraid of opening my mouth & saying a word to anyone new as I suffered an awful lot of extreme abuse & bullying as a child/teenager) But oh my did I feel like I was alive with him, the moment we 1st met i was so unlike myself (well my usual self) i felt more happy, more secure, more relaxed, more bold, more confident & i laughed & chatted with him & flirted with him like I had known him all my life!! I felt so extremelly comfortable around him & so on top of the world & it seemed like he really liked me a lot too, neither of us wanted to say goodbye that night!

anyhow to try & keep this as short as I can because it is a long & extremelly complicated story!! (believe me it is!!) We didn't get to see a lot of each other, we could only see each other a handful of times a year at most! (partly due to his work & me living so far away) but over the years, we saw each other a fair bit, we got to know each other a bit more & we got a bit closer & then bam, he ripped my heart to shreds (a very long & extremelly complex story i won't go into) this happened in october of 2007 (just a couple of weeks before my birthday ouch)

But still i wanted to see him, once i seemingly figured out something important, i knew why (or at least i thought i knew why) such & such had occurred!!

so i saw him quite a number of months later & we carried on as normal pretty much, seeing each other a few times a year, each year! & getting a bit closer (though we never actually dated)

in 2010 we spent far more time together than ever before & we got the closest we ever had! I thought that finally we were gonna get there, that we were going to start dating! but alas all of a sudden things went wrong & he said something that ended up ripping my heart to shreds!!

so i decided to give up on him & didn't see him for ages (i did a year later go to somewhere he was but although he saw me, he blanked me pretty much, he looked & stared at me whilst he was "working" but he didn't bother coming to chat to me, he'd made his lame excuses & darted off)


so after that & the prior year him ripping my heart to shreds I gave in (i never got over him though & was forever falling apart over him, i tried cord cutting a million times & many other things to try & get over him but to no avail!)

so in the 3 years we have had apart since 2010 I met another guy my twin flame (just a month after the incident where my soulmate upset me i met my twin) & since i met him, I have gone through a spiritual awakening (though i am not actually dating my twin by the way..)

After my great auntie who adored my soulmate died last year (ironically on april the 11th which was the anniversary of me 1st meeting my soulmate) & my best friend also dying (out of the blue aged 35) and just 13 days apart from one another, i got to thinking what if something happened to me & my soulmate & we had never gotten to see one another again?! and that made me upset, & so as he was coming here to my hometown (working) I decided to see him, but he barely acknowledged me, yet a week or two prior on twitter he had tweeted things that alluded to him being in to me still & suchlike etc..

that is the thing with him, he will tweet stuff about things i like, people i like such as my idol Michael Jackson who he isn't much of a fan of & he will post songs that tell me something & he did that & yet when i saw him when he came here last month nothing!

after 3 years apart, no hello chantelle how are you? long time no see, nothing!! he barely said anything to me

i know he wasn't very well but that has never stopped him before, on the contary!!

Every time he has been ill in the past & i have been there he has hung around me for as long as possible, even when he has sworn blind to others he cannot stick around because he is ill & suchlike..

there is so much to this story it is hard to try & shorten it & to try & make it make sense to anyone other than myself!!

I hope you can grasp some of what is going on & that you may have some ideas or answers as to what on earth?!

i have no idea what to do, he seems to be blanking me big style!!

i would love to know why in 2010 we got closer than ever before & then bam, he couldn't get any further away emotionally if he tried!!

i hear with soulmates you can get runners who do this sort of thing all the time & i was curious if anyone else has had a runner soulmate? how long did he/she run for if you have had this situation yourself, or at least similar?

i wish i knew what to do!! i honestly don't know whether to hang on for my soulmate any longer or not? I love him & can't seem to get over him no matter what!! i cannot imagine life without him, but he just keeps on getting further & further away from me (apart from those couple of weeks before i saw him after a 3 year separation.. on twitter, those tweets are the closest i have gotten with him this past 3 years)

i don't know if it is worth wasting anymore time on him, if i will ever be with him or not?

i don't know whether or not to just see if i can learn to live without him & see if anything happens with my twin flame or not??

My twin ohh he is a lovely guy sure he is, i don't know if my heart is fully in it, or not, or if it ever could be? he is amazing though, really wonderful! but can ever get over my soulmate? i don't know...

do i have any choice in any of this??

it seems my soulmate has all the say all the "cards" in his hand so to speak & i am left just to dangle, to hurt & to cry & watch as my heart breaks into a million more pieces

i feel i am doomed to be in limbo forever?!!

i really really do not know what to do at all about this all *sighs* i just wish i had answers, clues, signs, something   

ohh just in case any of this helps?? (no idea if it does really but just in acse it does for some reason) My soulmate is 42, a piscean & an atheist born in february 71

me i was born in october 85 am a libran & my twin he was born in march 81 & is a piscean too lol

i really appreciate you taking the time to read this & any answers/advice or whatever you may have

thanks guys xx

love & light

Now you are talking about a twin flame and a soul mate here.
I assume these are two different guys.
Now which one would you prefer?    

You remind me of 'me' back when I was your age.   I'm going to be straight forward here and ask which man do you really want?

I get the feeling that the twin flame is more or less just a friend.
It is the soul mate who you really want.  
Going by the description and your meetings which seem very rare indeed,have you ever thought that he may be married?

That sounds harsh but the thought that came straight to mind.
Did he or does he ever talk about his home life?   
I also get the picture you are very lonely.
If I were you,sweetie,I would take time off from seeing him and as a woman,I would back off.    Pride is painful and I know how you feel when he backs off.   But there has to be a reason for this.
Either he wants an end to the friendship or he is using you.
I don't like the way he comes onto you then backs off again.

That is a man I would be very cautious about.   
I don't know a kind way of saying this but you are wearing your heart on show.    
You are in the present at the moment so feeling the pain very acutely.    Put your self in the future and looking back as if it was picture of your past.  Like watching a movie,then sit down and examine your feelings.
How would you feel?   Glad you escaped this man or still pining over him?

Don't let your young life run away from you.    There are so many young men in the world which could make you happier than this one.
He is not worth a second look....
 

SpiritVoices