The things you don't like

How do you deal with, or try to remedy or control the aspects of yourself that you don't like very much?

For example, suppose you have a jealous streak which you know affects you in a negative way, what steps would you take to deal with that, or if you have already taken steps did it help you and what steps did you take? This could be anything you don't like, I use jealousy as an example only.

But should we even try to control or remedy these things, aren't they a part of who we are?

I think I rant about it til there's nothing left to rant about

I think ranting is good, it gets it out of your system.

What I have realized is that no matter what I am like as a mind body organism, its not who I am in reality, if there's anger, jealousy, hate, none of this belongs to me, it may arise through the mind body ego but it doesn't belong to me as the Source of who I AM. So with this inner Knowing I have no worries at all when any of these raise their nasty head, I see them and I laugh at them lol.

i used to have a lot of problems with my self image. i realised at 15 that i had better love my body as i was stcuk with it, and things like that, but aspects of myself like laughing too loud and every little thing that the ego picks on lingered for much longer. i learned to turn arguments around/ question them, and to use an advocate ie someone who loves me as my imaginary adjudicator, and to just say no, f&%k off to those negative thoughts. too, i did some really good things in recent years particularly, and i've been tested in many ways, so i know when i am in a bad position i won't do the thing that benefits me even though i know it is wrong. since then i learned to really love myself. i put on a lot of weight since then and i just treat my body with a lot of affection and use visualisation. i believe beauty comes from within and i see beauty everywhere, so why not in me? other traits i believe we can encourage or play down, choosing to accept our less attractive characteristics and keep them low key. repressing them will just make them more volatile and prone to caustic expression. laughing at them is great.

I am very 'impulsive'
I get ideas about something,jump to carry them out then regret them.
I really should stop to think about things before I make any decisions.

Joanie xx.

I can take instant dislikes to people without giving them a chance to prove me wrong. I can't explain it. It's not to do with their appearance but I feel it strongly. I haven't tried to do anything about it as part of me recognises it as a self defence mechanism.

Viking wrote:I can take instant dislikes to people without giving them a chance to prove me wrong. I can't explain it. It's not to do with their appearance but I feel it strongly. I haven't tried to do anything about it as part of me recognises it as a self defence mechanism.

That sounds like Empathy,Viking.
You must be picking something up from them that is putting you on the defensive.

geez viking you are like me!
however, what i am learning is there are many facets to a person (yeah i knew that bit), and they can choose to change or to nurture aspects of themselves so that those negative traits you and i see can be let go of or depressed maybe? so that their other characteristics are more to the fore. i'm also trying to see those characteristics in isolation and not allow it to be the the only side of that person i see. trying being the operative word.

Viking wrote:I can take instant dislikes to people without giving them a chance to prove me wrong. I can't explain it. It's not to do with their appearance but I feel it strongly. I haven't tried to do anything about it as part of me recognises it as a self defence mechanism.

I'm the other way round i'm too trusting..... then I get my fingers burned

That's when we get hurt,Violet when we put our trust in people a little too much.
The times I have trusted too much make me very wary now.
I have to know someone very well before I allow them into my private life and thoughts.

I have to know someone very well before I allow them into my private life and thoughts.

Me too Joanie

Violet wrote:

I have to know someone very well before I allow them into my private life and thoughts.

Me too Joanie

and they let me down in just one thing,out of my life they go!
Sounds awful really,but I can't help the way I am.

I don't think it's awful, I think it's natural, there's only so many times we can be hurt then we have to put a stop to it, it's self preservation.

I don't trust anybody until I've got to know them, even then I don't trust fully, but saying that I'm not a people person at the best of times

I think that can make a difference too Rainbow, whether you're a people person or not.

People without any common sense. When I see this, destruction usually follows.

tony,
i think you misread the thread dear.
it's what you don't like about yourself.
joanie, i met a very interesting lady of 83, and we shared some fun times...my daughter was 11 at the time and i was sick and she didn't return the library book my friend loaned me (i think because she knew i hadn't read it), after getting a late notice, the friend decided i was untrustworthy. how to explain?
try not to write people off for small things.

True Sparkly,I never judge until I feel I know the person reasonably well and that usually take a time with me.
I open up on the forums here but in life,I am quite a quiet person.
If I was meet you all face to face,say in a person to person gathering,you would be surprised just how much I would hang back.

Joanie x

so even now, that you've talked to me here, you feel you don't know me (not just me other forum members)?
anyway joanie i hope there are no more nasty surprises for you in the trust department,

Oh yes,I would speak to you and the other forum members.
My golly,I would.
It just takes me a little time to suss everyone out.
Anyway,you're an Aussie!
Would have no problems with you!


Joanie x

i understand. even though i'm number 11 of 11(or maybe because of that?), i find it hard meeting people, and feel overwhelmed and shy at parties. i don't socialise much.
i'm not a typical ocker/ aussie. my parents were dutch, but i guess i don't have quite the stiff upper lip. in australia you don't have to be mentally ill or foreign to be allowed to talk to strangers on public transport, if that's what you mean. i have lived in england and seen that, and the stand to the left thing on elevators!

You will know how reserved us Pommes are!

except...when it comes to sex...that no sex thing we're british doesn't seem to be the truth.
either that or people like writing in rude stories to the papers.

sparkly wrote:except...when it comes to sex...that no sex thing we're british doesn't seem to be the truth.
either that or people like writing in rude stories to the papers.

It's our secret side!