Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW wrote:Is it easy for your to be kind to people you dis-like?
Can you be kind to people you hate?

Acts of kindness is only bestowed onto others because of who we are, not because of who they are. When we are unkind to those we dis-like we are actually being unkind to ourselves. If we are a kind person by nature then we must continue to be kind in all situations.

On the other hand if it is your nature to be an unkind person then "be that as well."

I believe a little bit of kindness goes a very long way.

What are your thoughts?

CW wrote:Is it easy for your to be kind to people you dis-like?
Can you be kind to people you hate?

Acts of kindness is only bestowed onto others because of who we are, not because of who they are. When we are unkind to those we dis-like we are actually being unkind to ourselves. If we are a kind person by nature then we must continue to be kind in all situations.

On the other hand if it is your nature to be an unkind person then "be that as well."

I believe a little bit of kindness goes a very long way.

What are your thoughts?

Joanie wrote:...and most of all....a sense of danger. I had that feeling from someone a good while ago.
Like someone was saying to me....'don't mess with this person'.
Joanie

Joanie wrote:When you sense these feelings,do you get a rather disturbed and sometimes frightening sort of ripple through the mind.
Can't describe it perfectly but a feeling of fear for no reason?
I feel as if I want to run from it.
Or the person who gives me this feeling.

Thanks for this post Mia. Well, as described here
(in an earlier post) love and kindness had an adverse effect on her.
Surprisingly enough, I don't hate her. I realise the way she is must be
the result of some damaging impact in her life's experiences (assuming
she does not have a mental disorder). I know she takes drugs. She has 5
kids, single parent and resents not having her independence. That is
her (chosen) predicament.

Maybe I should try the love and light
exercise you mention. I currently don't live at my flat (although she
still trashes the front garden), since I am a resident carer for my mum
who lives nearby. She has now targeted my mum's house - the same thing...trashing, trespassing her back garden and vandalism. I have caught her
doing an anti-social act here...it defies belief - the woman is
obsessed! I have reported her this (and so many other times). She tows
the line for a while then starts up again. If I don't catch her in the
act they tell me I need proof! I have no enemies just this lunatic.
She is getting quite a reputation now locally.

Whilst I feel
sorry for her, I also fear subsequent future actions that her boys will
carry out when they grow up a bit more (she has already got them to do
the trashing). There is no point in installing a camera, to catch her on
film and take her to court because her mum has given me a death threat!
Much as I dislike the situation, I will tolerate it if it means I can
stay alive.

I believe in the innate goodness of humans. The
example you give of tribal love is an obvious healing. I used to be a
hippy and we thought love could save the world! (Seems a tad niaive now
that I know things are more complex than that).

ameliorate wrote:

Joanie wrote:When you sense these feelings,do you get a rather disturbed and sometimes frightening sort of ripple through the mind.
Can't describe it perfectly but a feeling of fear for no reason?
I feel as if I want to run from it.
Or the person who gives me this feeling.

Occasionally. For me it involves why are they doing this? What do I have to do to make it stop? Will it ever stop? I guess my situation may be somewhat different from your own experience Joanie - I have a lot of despair and despondency with my current predicament with this disturbed neighbour.

Do you explore what you fear rather than run from it? Suppression is never healthy and it tends to come up again in an unpredictable way or niggle there at the back of your mind. Best to bite the bullet I find....see what can be done (if anything) then come to terms with the situation as best you can. Ultimately seeing it as their problem and refusing to let it unsettle you is a good intention (if one that wavers in successful application personally occasionally). What's that expression - don't let the barstards grind you down!!? Reclaim your power.

Psychologists know that oppression takes our permission - we don't have to "buy" into the situation. It takes awareness. I certainly don't have a victim's mentality - I hope you don't either?