Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Fri Mar 01, 2013 1:56 pm

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Post n°1

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Fri Mar 01, 2013 1:56 pm

First topic message reminder :

Is it easy for your to be kind to people you dis-like?
Can you be kind to people you hate?

Acts of kindness is only bestowed onto others because of who we are, not because of who they are. When we are unkind to those we dis-like we are actually being unkind to ourselves. If we are a kind person by nature then we must continue to be kind in all situations.

On the other hand if it is your nature to be an unkind person then "be that as well."

I believe a little bit of kindness goes a very long way.

What are your thoughts?

ameliorate Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:21 am

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Post n°26

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:21 am

Hi Mia - of course you can call me Amy. Yes I know how to protect myself, thanks for your concern. Whilst I am here at my mother's place, there is less need to do so but there will come a time when I will return to my flat and that will come into effect then.

Thanks for your sweet appraisal/view of how this thread has been railroaded...ooops!
Well, at least your kindness is certainly on topic!!!
Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 371183

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 371183

mia wrote:Amy, may I call you that? Cos I have trouble spelling your username lol
Do you know how to protect yourself and others?
If you do, do so regularly.
If you don't, I can tell you how.
Good idea re the 'help forum'
Let us know how you get on.
As for posting off topic .... methinks the topic was brought up, just for you to post your experience in

millergrls Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:20 am

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Post n°27

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

millergrls Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:20 am

mia wrote:I cannot be unkind to anyone ..... I could a few years ago ..... not now though.

If someone is unkind towards me, I cannot retaliate, because I believe there is a reason for their unkindness, maybe they are feeling unwell, hurting inside, tired.

Many reasons.

I may tell them they are being unkind, that they are upsetting me, depends on what it is.

It is so good to remind yourself that sometimes people behave for a reason. A great perspective to have at times.

CW Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:13 pm

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Post n°28

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:13 pm

I realize that many people here are not on the same frequency, that does not bother me at all. I appreciate and love all of you here on Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 408815

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 408815

forum. Nobody here can harm me without my consent. I feel uplifted and empowered when I share extending love and good tidings to all. Even to those who have a different view point than mine own.

I also must realize that "every human being" is not a kind nature person. It is a fact that some people are empowered by the sadness, defeat or bondage of others. This is their nature and who am I to try and change that? All I can do is respect it and stay the hell out of their way.

As shyn mentioned these unkind people I must avoid "by all means necessary." When avoiding them is almost impossible as "ameliorate" mentioned about the neighbor, I must avoid all forms of physical contact with them, direct or indirect. No letters, no cards, no gifts, not even allowing their children to play with mine. Having an unkind person for a neighbor or co-worker is not easy. Those of us who understand the power of love must continue to extend the life of love and light even from a distance!

Love to all...

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:59 pm

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Post n°29

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:59 pm

I like what you said,CW.

It makes a lot of sense to ignore those who presume they have the right to be downright rude.
I used to fight back once but not any more. I really can't be bothered with rude and ill mannered folks.
I've reached that age now when I just want peace and quietness.

I enjoy coming on here,always found this site to be fair to all.
I noticed the other day that I have never seen a 'banned notice' up anywhere,as far as I know.

it's a clean site and whether we disagree or not,it is monitored in a polite manner.

Joanie

CW Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:39 pm

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Post n°30

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:39 pm

I agree Joanie, Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 408815

is a very heavenly place to share our spiritual insights. If we are open we might just find something valuable.

Millergrls, the people who drive us nuts are all over this planet Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 258595

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 258595

. Mia is right we must protect ourselves in every way we know possible most of all don't allow them to diminish who we are.

Sometimes, there is no way to avoid the battle. We must face the opposition and fight back! Even if our fight is a peaceful stand as Gundi was known for being a man of peace.

While striving to live a peaceful life, I realize that combat is sometimes a required part of my journey. I am not competitive or combative person but when the situation calls for me to engage in battle, "its on!" Let the "it" began and may the best one win!

SpiritVoices Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:59 pm

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Post n°31

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

SpiritVoices Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:59 pm

A bit like myself,CW.

I hate rows and quarrels.

But I have a fiery part of me inside and once annoyed and I mean really annoyed I will come out fighting.

And usually regret it later.... :blush:

Joanie

**Violet** Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:21 am

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Post n°32

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

Violet Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:21 am

Some say it's cos we see something in them, that we don't like in us.
Or cos they say something that we don't want to hear.

I've heard this so many times and I really disagree with it, surely hate is a normal human emotion? Not a pleasant one but neither is jealousy or greed or guilt but we all feel those things too. You can be kind to those you don't like though, and I always think about the saying 'hate the sin not the sinner' (not that I approve of the word sin but that saying expresses what I mean.)

I try to be kind to others and try to put myself in their shoes but this 'i've had a rough childhood' doesn't sit well with me but it seems to be an excuse for all manner of bad behaviours. I've only truly hated with a passion one person on my life and at this point in time cannot see myself not hating them, nor can I be kind to them so i remain as civil as i can be which is extremely difficult.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

ameliorate Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:39 am

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Post n°33

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:39 am

Yes Violet. I think this "mirroring" thing - that so many spiritual people revert to - has its place but is used far too frequently, liberally and without reflecting on whether it best describes the situation. Ultimately it can be used as a cop out in an argument.

**Violet** Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:42 am

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Post n°34

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

Violet Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:42 am

Ultimately it can be used as a cop out in an argument.

I think you nailed it there :giggles:

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 1:26 pm

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Post n°35

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 1:26 pm

Childhood was then and Adulthood is now! The past is only a reflection of who we are. The only way to be accountable for the past is to be accountable for what we are doing in the present. Therefore, we should not use the past as if it were an escape hatch for our present behavior.

A similar situation is; those who except abuse in the name of love just like the song by Tina Turner "Whats love got to do with it." Love and abuse do not mix at all!!!
I don't know about the rest of you but I have experienced people who's spirit is so full of negative energy that even the kindest of deed will not shine light upon it. Those who live for the fear and sadness of others and this is not a result of their childhood. When a person is no longer a child we must know that as an Adult we are responsible and accountable for what ever we are doing "NOW." Regardless of any past pain or suffering we have experienced.

"Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional!" There is no need to suffer the pains of the past by living as if it is still happening today. This is called suffering.

May all those who are still suffering from the pain of yesterday Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 538969

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 538969

surrender to the bandage of past pain and find peace with themselves today!!

1antique Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:34 pm

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Post n°36

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

1antique Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:34 pm

CW

It woulb be so nice to be able to say 'this happened in the past and it is no more', but it does not work that way. Things that happen to individuals sometimes are so traumatic to them that it continues to affect them the rest of their lives.

I will use one of my brothers as a perfect example. He suffered such bad abuse from my father (and a neighbor) that he ended up with what is called a shattered personality. He had never been able to recover from it, and ended up molesting his children...one of whom has attempted suicide over it times.

I could go through each of my family members and discuss how past situations have affected their lives, but I will leave it at that.

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:47 pm

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Post n°37

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:47 pm

1antique wrote:CW

It woulb be so nice to be able to say 'this happened in the past and it is no more', but it does not work that way. Things that happen to individuals sometimes are so traumatic to them that it continues to affect them the rest of their lives.

I will use one of my brothers as a perfect example. He suffered such bad abuse from my father (and a neighbor) that he ended up with what is called a shattered personality. He had never been able to recover from it, and ended up molesting his children...one of whom has attempted suicide over it times.

I could go through each of my family members and discuss how past situations have affected their lives, but I will leave it at that.

I agree with you on that point,1antique.
Some 'hurts' never go away. We try to forgive but cannot forget. Memories stay with us. Blocking those memories is not good for that is when problems arise.

Joanie

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:57 pm

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Post n°38

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 4:57 pm

1antique I hope your brother find peace from within himself and the things that happened to him as a child as well as the things he has done as an adult.

I lost my only son when he was six years old. He was the only child I had at that time and I didn't want any more children. Someone speeding to deliver a pizza hit and killed him. I told myself "I never should have left him in the care of others." I was a very a angry person, because the two cousins he was spending time with, their mother had two sons. I know this sounds horrible but at the time I felt "Why not one of her son's instead of mine? She still would have had one left." The messages we give ourselves can keep us in bondage or they can set us free.

Since that happened to me I gave birth to two more children who I begin to smother with over protection. The pain of my past was also being inflicted upon other innocent beings. All I am saying here is no matter how devastating our past is there come a time when we must surrender to it and allow the healing process to begin.

Holding on to grief, pain, sadness, hatred, resentfulness, revenge, bitterness, will keep us sick!! The pain will spew over onto other innocent people if we don't reconcile with it ourselves. This is what being an adult human being is all about, doing what is best, not just for ourselves but for others as well.

Love to all..

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:15 pm

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Post n°39

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:15 pm

To this, I would just like to add that, in the case of abuse, the healing process would require fairly intensive therapy. Just surrendering to it would be woefully inadequate.

Last edited by ameliorate on Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:21 pm; edited 2 times in total

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:16 pm

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Post n°40

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:16 pm

Sorry - repeat post. Now how did that happen? Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 588401

Ah, got it - I clicked on quote instead of edit! Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 1656269883

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:49 pm

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Post n°41

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:49 pm

I agree with you ameliorate in cases of abuse to children, sudden death, brutality and senseless cruelty we definitely need help to surrender.

As an adult, how long must we allow the suffering to continue? When we begin to use any past experience for our behavior today this is what I call suffering.

I also believe it is optional, we may not be able to stop the pain but we can put an end to the suffering.

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:23 pm

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Post n°42

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:23 pm

Getting back to the topic of being kind to those we don't like, sometimes we must learn to be kind to ourselves.

Children often blame themselves for the wrong that adults do to them. Oftentimes to many, they grow to dislike themselves.

Yes, we must learn to be kind to ourselves, when we look in the mirror and don't like looking at our own reflection.

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:31 pm

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Post n°43

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 7:31 pm

CW wrote:I agree with you ameliorate in cases of abuse to children, sudden death, brutality and senseless cruelty we definitely need help to surrender.

As an adult, how long must we allow the suffering to continue? When we begin to use any past experience for our behavior today this is what I call suffering.

I also believe it is optional, we may not be able to stop the pain but we can put an end to the suffering.

I agree with this although ending suffering is complex - involving several factors.
Firstly, that someone realises that this is possible (can be a matter of faith and/or knowledge).
Motivation is another factor - wanting to look at the past and being willing to undertake that journey.
Lastly, finding the right/effective method. This may not be apparent and requires some knowledge of how best to proceed.

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:16 pm

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Post n°44

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:16 pm

One must want to end the suffering. I didn't say it would be easy. "Wanting" is the key to achieving anything in life.

Does it have to be complex ameliorate? It can be as easy as "stop" and "don't do it again." One may need take it one second at a time until seconds turn to minutes, to hours, to days, to weeks, to months, to years.

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:11 pm

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Post n°45

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

SpiritVoices Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:11 pm

The problem with asking someone 'Don't do it again' would encourage them to deliberately repeat the performance. Just to aggravate the situation.
I know cos I have been through that.

I learnt to ignore the situation,hard I know,but it does work...

Joanie

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:48 pm

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Post n°46

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

ameliorate Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:48 pm

CW wrote:One must want to end the suffering. I didn't say it would be easy. "Wanting" is the key to achieving anything in life.

Does it have to be complex ameliorate? It can be as easy as "stop" and "don't do it again." One may need take it one second at a time until seconds turn to minutes, to hours, to days, to weeks, to months, to years.

No, of course it doesn't have to be complex to end suffering. However, if it were easy then presumably suffering wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

Don't do what again? What about being in a loveless marriage and fearing change, so you continue to suffer? That is a common plight that many people are in. Or suffering due to overeating - don't do it doesn't cut it. It needs exploration of the underlying reasons and can involve therapy.

I suppose there are situations where you can say just "stop it" and that would be the solution; often there is more going on though.

CW Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:34 pm

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Post n°47

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Tue Mar 12, 2013 1:34 pm

I agree there is always more than meets the eye. However the bottom line is still going to end up being "stop the behavior!" As you mentioned before "a person must want to stop." When we get to the root of the matter, the situation will not change until the behavior changes.

SpiritVoices Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:51 pm

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Post n°48

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

SpiritVoices Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:51 pm

But what does one do if they don't stop?

How do we deal with that?
What is the actual answer?

Joanie

millergrls Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:45 pm

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Post n°49

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

millergrls Tue Mar 12, 2013 7:45 pm

Joanie wrote:But what does one do if they don't stop?

How do we deal with that?
What is the actual answer?

Joanie

I have learned to stay away from those who refuse to change their negative ways toward me. It is hard, especially if it is a close family member. But sometimes after giving light and getting darkness in return, eventually you have to just walk away. Not be mean, but just avoid that person. Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 348985

Being Kind to Those You Don't Like - Page 2 348985

CW Wed Mar 13, 2013 1:54 pm

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Post n°50

Re: Being Kind to Those You Don't Like

CW Wed Mar 13, 2013 1:54 pm

Avoiding them is the best thing to do. But in the case of children with an abusive parent or the elderly with a caretaker who neglects them, these are the ones most vulnerable.

As Joanie ask how do you deal with that? This might sound funny to some of you but I've been in situations where I'm unable to defend myself. I call upon the spirit of God to do what is best in the situation. When I call upon God I must realized that God loves all... life. Therefore, I must trust and know that what ever the outcome maybe it will be what is best for all...and not just for me.

When you find yourself at the mercy of a gun, or an abusive parent or care-taker with no where to run or hide. No weapon to defend yourself, no one to call for help. God's line is never busy, you will never get the answering machine or voice mail, no one will put you on hold. Moreover you will never get the automated system asking you for specific information before your request can be routed to God. When the man pointed the gun at me and said be quiet and you wont get hurt I screamed "Oh God please help me!"

"God is a very present help in time of need." In all my half a century of existence this one has held true for me.
Therefore, if you are a kind spirit and you know you are, remain true to who you are!

Love to all...

Last edited by CW on Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:17 pm; edited 4 times in total

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